(photo credit: BET)

It’s no secret that the rap industry is not the biggest fan of the conservative movement (and that’s okay, we’re not always the biggest supporters of degrading women, consuming large amounts of drugs and alcohol, or poor excuses for music).

But that hasn’t stopped certain artists in the industry from stepping into the political ring; T.I., Jay Z, and now everyone’s favorite white rapper, Eminem.

“The Real Slim Shady” had some pretty harsh words for the President of the United States in his latest freestyle rap, which premiered on BET last night. In it, Eminem decided it was appropriate to attack the President on a multitude of issues, ranging from his critiques of NFL players for kneeling during the national anthem to lowering taxes (yes, you read that correctly; he attacked Donald Trump on his dedication to lower our taxes).

So I took this as the perfect opportunity to debut Conservative Todays’s newest daily column, Snowflake of the Day.

The Problem with Eminem

In an excellent article from 2013 in Mic, the author lays out five reasons why Eminem should never be anyone’s icon. Mainly, his disrespect for women and homophobia.

Eminem has not by any means been a friend to females, after claiming in a 2009 song that he has raped 17 women. Or in a concert in front of over 18,000 people, when he screamed out “f–k you” to his mother. Rapping about wanting to kill his wife Kim with his daughter in the back seat, which ultimately pushed her to attempt suicide shortly after. Or rapping about wanting to punch Lana Del Ray in the face – twice.

We could talk about homophobia, which is something that we conservatives can’t always hit liberals on, but in the case of Marshal Mathers, we definitely can. When you rap about slamming gay people into tables, breaking them in half, you’re probably not going to have your voice heard well.

Overall, I don’t typically take my political advice from celebrities in general, but never from someone as vile and disgusting as Eminem.

That’s a Rap.

Taking it line by line, let’s look at what Eminem had to say about the duly-elected President of the United States:

“That’s an awfully hot coffee pot
Should I drop it on Donald Trump? Prob’ly not
But that’s all I got ’til I come up with a solid plot”

Yeah, I think ‘prob’ly not’ is a better choice, especially after starting a rap verse talking about a coffee pot with no preface to talking anything about coffee. Maybe I’m in the minority here, but it doesn’t make much sense to me. But by all means, go ahead.

“Got a plan and now I gotta hatch it
Like a d–n Apache with a tomahawk
I’ma walk inside a mosque on Ramadan
And say a prayer that every time Melania talks”

Okay, the rhymes may be working, but your logic still lacks any sort of intelligence. You want to talk about your disdain for the President and his lack of support for immigrants, so you begin this by attacking the First Lady’s speech (which, may I remind you, she is also an immigrant). But keep going, you’re off to a great start.

“But we better give Obama props
‘Cause what we got in office now’s a kamikaze
That’ll prob’ly cause a nuclear holocaust”

Definitely, let’s give President Obama for all of the fearless leadership that he demonstrated while giving Iran $400 billion just to ask them not to build nuclear weapons. For the record, I trust Donald Trump with the world’s heaviest nuclear arsenal a lot more than I do for Iran to have just one nuclear weapon.

“And while the drama pops
And he waits for s–t to quiet down he’ll just gas his plane up and fly around ’til the bombing stops”

So in this line, Eminem basically says that Donald Trump will soon be bombing America. Why else would he be on Air Force One during a bombing? It makes complete sense, we’re off to a great rap thus far.

“Intensities heightened, tensions are risin’
Trump, when it comes to giving a s–t, you’re stingy as I am”

“You’re as stingy as I am.” Wow. I just want to say that as a writer, you can’t get much easier content than this to write on. How can anyone be so hypocritical as to attack someone else based on your idea that they are just as bad as you are?

“Except when it comes to having the balls to go against me, you hide ’em
‘Cause you don’t got the f—–g nuts like an empty asylum”

I hate to break this news to you, Eminem, but I don’t think that billionaire Donald Trump is afraid of a washed-up rapper who actively writes music about beating his wife.

“Racism’s the only thing he’s fantastic for
‘Cause that’s how he gets his f—–g rocks off and he’s orange”

Isn’t racism at its core about judging people based off of the color of their skin? Hmm.

“Yeah, sick tan
That’s why he wants us to disband
‘Cause he can not withstand
The fact we’re not afraid of Trump”

He is right on one thing, we are not afraid of Trump. In fact, we’re so much not afraid of Trump that we actually elected him to be the leader of the free world.

“F–k walkin’ on egg shells, I came to stomp
That’s why he keeps screamin’, ‘Drain the swamp!’
‘Cause he’s in quicksand”

I thought it was more of a liberal thing to be walking on eggshells. Hence why colleges have safe spaces, or why job applications now have “other” when asking your gender. I don’t think walking on eggshells is something to hit the President on, but that’s just me. Furthermore, we scream ‘Drain the Swamp’ because we are getting rid of corruption in Washington. You can say what you want about the administration crumbling or Washington in full chaos, but that’s what it looks like when a government so reliant on corruption has someone like Donald Trump in office.

“It’s like we take a step forwards then backwards
But this is his form of distraction
Plus, he gets an enormous reaction
When he attacks the NFL so we focus on that in
-stead of talking Puerto Rico or gun reform for Nevada”

Okay, great. Now he’s starting to talk policy. Typical liberal, they like to save the policy debate for last because they know that’s the easiest for us to defend and the hardest for them to throw at us.

The issue of the NFL kneeling for the anthem is one brought to fruition by the players of the NFL, and not the President. Had they have stood for the anthem in the first place, the problem would not be here. Granted, President Trump definitely escalated the conflict, but we all know that this would not be anywhere near the problem it is today had the NFL Players Union took a stand to respect the American flag.

With that said, Eminem also mentioned Puerto Rico, referring to the disaster relief that he likely hasn’t noticed that the President has ordered. But that’s fine, no one has ever accused snowflakes of not being single-issue minded.

And of course, let’s talk gun control. Eminem, you are the LAST person who with ANY privilege to speak on gun control. Let’s think back to your arrest for carrying a concealed weapon inside a bar in Warren, Michigan. Or we can think back to your felony charge of carrying a concealed weapon in an altercation. I’m only naming two, but there are countless examples of you endangering the public using firearms. You have absolutely no validity when speaking on gun violence. Your lyrics and behavior far precede your attacks on our President (your President).

“All these horrible tragedies and he’s bored and would rather
Cause a Twitter storm with the Packers”

Name one time that he Tweeted at the Green Bay Packers.

“Then says he wants to lower our taxes
Then who’s gonna pay for his extravagant trips
Back and forth with his fam to his golf resorts and his mansions?”

I literally laughed out loud when I read this. Of all the things that liberals could possibly be mad over, they choose to attack the President on lowering taxes. Think about this: they hate the President so much that they are mad that he wants them to keep more money in their pocket. Really?

“Same s—t that he tormented Hillary for and he slandered
Then does it more”

I’m pretty sure that Hillary slandered Hillary. We didn’t need much help there.

“From his endorsement of Bannon
Support for the Klansmen
Tiki torches in hand for the soldier that’s black
And comes home from Iraq
And is still told to go back to Africa
Fork and a dagger in this racist 94-year-old grandpa”

When did Trump endorse Bannon? Wait, what was Bannon running for that needed an endorsement? Too many questions, not enough answers.

Support for the klansmen. Once again, please name a time this happened. Just one.

As for the rest of this, I don’t even understand where Eminem was going with this. He keeps making arbitrary claims but there aren’t any facts to back them up.

“Who keeps ignoring our past historical, deplorable factors
Now if you’re a black athlete, you’re a spoiled little brat for
Tryna use your platform or your stature
To try to give those a voice who don’t have one”

Everyone has a voice, it’s called election day. The problem is that even your home state of Michigan is now red, and you’re upset about it. Maybe if you didn’t have two felonies you could have voted against that movement, but based on your logic today it seems like you would rather complain about the issues than do anything productive to fix them.

“He says, ‘You’re spittin’ in the face of vets who fought for us, you bastards!’
Unless you’re a POW who’s tortured and battered
‘Cause to him you’re zeros
‘Cause he don’t like his war heroes captured
That’s not disrespecting the military”

There is no doubt that Donald Trump disrespected John McCain with the line that he “like(s) people who weren’t captured.” I will not argue that it was not disrespectful, but such is life, people get disrespected, especially in politics. But it was not a jab at the military by any means, but rather a jab at McCain, who was a failed and flawed candidate in 2008 and who called out the future-President on many issues that did not pertain to him. This is the only semi-understandable claim that Eminem makes in this freestyle rap, yet it is still false.

“F–kthat! This is for Colin, ball up a fist!
And keep that s–t balled like Donald the b—h!”

In the video, Eminem balls up his right fist and keeps it above his head. Of course, this is just for show, to boost his failing music since he is a washed up rapper, but I’m sure his mother is proud of him. Oh wait, she’s too busy burning in hell, according to Eminem.

“He’s gonna get rid of all immigrants!
He’s gonna build that thang up taller than this!”

Eminem uses a very country-centered accent for this line. Because southerners were the only people who voted for Trump, right? I think Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania disagree with him there.

“Well, if he does build it, I hope it’s rock solid with bricks
‘Cause like him in politics, I’m using all of his tricks
‘Cause I’m throwin’ that piece of s–tagainst the wall ’til it sticks”

Spoiler alert: we are building a wall. And I would love to see Eminem debate Donald Trump on policy. I’m sure the country would love to see that also.

“And any fan of mine who’s a supporter of his
I’m drawing in the sand a line, you’re either for or against
And if you can’t decide who you like more and you’re split
On who you should stand beside, I’ll do it for you with this:
F–k you!”

What a novel idea for a washed-up rapper to win back some fans, by alienating them! Eminem must be a genius, who would have thought of this?

“The rest of America stand up!
We love our military, and we love our country
But we f—–g hate Trump!”

I’m glad you think that you love our military, because your last quote disagrees with you. It’s hard to disagree with your own words, yet somehow you did it.

And as for the idea that we hate Trump? I have just one thing to say: 306-224.

 

All lyrics were used off of Genius, and if you would like to read the full (explicit) lyrics, you can find them here.

 

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